The Yankees, Unobstructed, June 5: Stadium Gits for Dad

Dirt is the New Gold

With Father's Day just over two weeks away, the pressure's on to find the perfect gift. This is your one chance to wipe away all of those foul memories of neckties and standard golfing accessories given to Dad in years past. This year, you can give Pop a gift that will make his buddies at the Elks Lodge truly envy him for his progeny. I'm talking about Yankee Stadium Final Season memorabilia.

You see, the Yankees gave Steiner Collectibles the exclusive right to ravage the old Stadium, and boy did they. Everything, and I mean everything, from the old Stadium is for sale. Seats, signs, even sod!

But the lavish world of game-used knicks and knacks can be intimidating, so don't dive in unprepared. The Bronx News Network proudly presents the MACOMBS (Menagerie of Absurd Crap Offered for Massively Bloated Sums) Yankees Memorabilia Guide!

Dirt is the new gold: Seriously, it is. For $59.99 your father can be the proud owner of a coin-sized medallion of dirt from the old Yankee Stadium, but wait, there's more....the dirt comes on a plaque with a picture of your favorite Yankee! Take that, lame Commemorative Barack Obama 2009 Inauguration 24kt Gold Coin ($24.95).

Think your dad deserves better than dirt? How about sod? For just $80, his mantelpiece can be home to an authentic chunk of freeze-dried grass from the old Stadium. Not good enough? How about a 20' x 20' patch of the old center field, custom-installed onto your front lawn! Only $10,000.

Still not satisfied? Try the $50,000 "NY" logo, from behind home plate, delivered complete with original "NY" stencil and white paint.

Maybe you're looking for the kind of gift that says, "Dad, let's sit together and bond." Then you might be interested in one of the many furniture options available from the old Stadium:

Nothing says, "I have the expressed right and privilege to criticize every blink of Joe Girardi's increasingly twitch-prone right eye" than an authentic Yankee Stadium blue-padded press chair. This chair, for just $199, came from inside the press room. Go ahead, tell the old man that Mel Allen once sat in it. Who knows, maybe he did.

Want to sit on something a little less functional? Consider a two-seat set of authentic Yankee Stadium bleacher seats. Sure, they might look and feel like just some random $699 metal plank. But for all you know, Bald Vinny himself could have spilled beer on that plank while being forcibly removed from the old Premises.

Oh, so you're too good for the bleachers, eh? You want the real deal. For the exact same price as an iMac with a 24-inch screen, an Intel Core 2 Duo 2.66 GHz processor, 4GB RAM and a 640 GB Hard Drive, you can have not one, but two authentic Yankee Stadium seats (complete with metal arm rests and plastic seat backs). $1,499.

Perhaps your Dad already has everything he wants at home, but he really wants to transform that Elks Lodge into a TGI Friday's look-alike. Nothing says "Carefully Orchestrated Miscellany!" like random signs, and Steiner's got 'em all! How about an authentic "Escalator" sign ($200)? Or maybe he'd prefer a "These ramps not suitable for wheelchairs" sign ($350). Yup, if it was a directive, and it was on display at the Stadium, you can have it!

That's just a sampling of the goods being offered from the House that Ruth Built....what, you want to know what I'm doing for Father's Day? Oh, that's simple enough. I figured I would spend a quiet afternoon with the old man. Maybe we'll head down to Macombs Dam Park and watch a little high school baseba....oh wait, nevermind, that's not possible. He's getting a necktie.

NOTE: Make sure to check back every Wednesday for Pinstripe Politics, your source for that gray area where the Yankees and society converge. Also, check in with the BNN on Fridays for The Yankees, Unobstructed, our weekly Yankee opinion column.

For more of Graham Kates' sports writing, check out his True/Slant blog "Coaches in the Crosshairs" (www.trueslant.com/grahamkates).